Where our happily ever after began...

I was a young lady at the ripe ol' age of 14. I thought I knew it all, thought I was all that. My BFF at the time was Jackie. She was in the same grade as me and was a beautiful girl. She was more developed physically than most of us girls in middle school. Jackie was a little shorter than me, had obnoxiously shiny black hair, fair skin and big brown eyes. I was super skinny, fresh faced with no makeup, tall and had long brown hair.



Jackie and I



It was the day before Valentine's Day and we wanted to hang out at the local mall to buy our "boyfriends" a gift. The word boyfriend was taken very lightly at that age, well, to us anyway. We were strutting our stuff around the mall, scoping out the guys and doing a little shopping.

We had spotted a group of boys coming toward us. They did their usual staring. We did our usual "pay no attention" to them and proceeded to walk on by. One of the boys, Edgar stopped me and Jackie and asked our names, where we were from and so on and so forth. 

While he was jabbering away another boy caught my eye. He looked to be sort of shy or maybe he was playing hard to get. He had the most beautiful green eyes, nicest lips and was dressed really well. My mind began to wonder and I remember telling my Nana about a week before this day about my ideal boyfriend's appearance. I said, "Nana, I would like a guy with pretty colored eyes, who is tall, and with full lips." I thought I had found my man, but he seemed uninterested in me and more into my friend. They were talking about a school that they had both gone to, who each other knew and which teachers they had. I was ready to go and Jackie had sensed it so we both started to walk away. Until I was stopped...by him. His name was James and he wanted my number. I was so excited but kept my composure and acted cool. He asked me how old I was, I blurted out "15" I don't know why I lied, my hands were sweaty, my heart was racing and my mind was boggled. We talked for a minute before Jackie and I left, she walked and I felt like I was floating.



That day James called me. I was surprised he had called so soon. But I was guilt stricken that I had lied to him about my age. So I confessed thinking that he was never going to speak to me again. But, he just laughed it off and we continued talking to each other often.



We were so young!



I knew in the back of my mind that James was the one. I knew we were young, he was 16 and I was 14 when we first met. So I did not want to be serious until I knew that we could make our relationship last. James and I would see each other every few months, then not call or lose touch for a few months then always find our way back to one another. When ever we would lose touch, he would always be on my mind. But I knew that one day he would be all mine so I let time pass. He felt the strong connection that I did as well, I remember one day we were talking on the phone and he said, "Amber, you know that even if I am in a relationship and you want to be with me that I will drop everything and come to you..." James saying that plays over and over in my mind to this day.



At James' job, Audio Express



He treated me with such respect, love and chivalry. I was so in love with him but chose to bury my emotions until the time was right.



It was September 2001, I was 17 and he was 19, he had called me after about 4 months of no contact and asked me out to the movies. I, of course, agreed and it was like everything fell into place. We were laughing and having a great time with each other, more so than any time before that. This day was different, things had changed. I had dropped everything to be with him and he did the same. I let myself fall completely into love with him. We were inseparable after that night. He and I knew that this was it, we were going to be together forever.



I had problems with my mom at home, I was being a rebellious teen and thought because I had turned 18 that I didn't have to follow any of my mother's rules. So, I was told to move out. I moved with James into his mom's house with his younger brother and sister. I felt so free, grown up and like I could conquer the world. I was so nieve now that I look back.

Our relationship was very tumultuous. We had such passion for each other that we would fight passionately and then make up passionately. We had so much in common like a similar childhood, he was raised by his grandparents like I was. We would find comfort in telling stories about our childhood. We vented to each other and that helped heal a lot of our emotional wounds.



In love <3



I went from a confident, independent person to a needy, clingy and dependent woman. He was my everything, literally. I shut out my friends, family and any interests outside of him. But, it was not because he was controlling or abusive. It was because of my ever growing fear that he would leave me. I was so afraid because every day that passed that was more and more that I have invested in him in his life. I wanted to be with him all of the time, my heart and body ached when I wasn't. My relationship with him was not healthy. My fear consumed my life and our relationship.



I pushed myself into his life before he was ready for me to. He pushed back, and eventually wanted me out of his home and life. I refused to go. I thought that if I let him have his space and let him go out that he would come home to me after he saw that the grass was not greener on the other side. I tried yelling at him, crying to him, killing him with kindness and even begging him to stay. Nothing seemed to work. After about a month of seeing him go out each night and not knowing what or who he was doing, I collapsed into reality. I realized that I was pathetic.



I picked what little self respect I had for myself and moved out. I moved back into my mom's home. I had a new way of thought. I would fake it until I made it. I was broken inside, my heart had been ripped out of my body and stepped on, I was devastated to the one hundredth degree. But, I made it a point to act confidently and independently in public and then let myself fall in private. I kept busy with school, work and friends. I tried with everything I had in me to not think about James, to not think about the tearing pain that I had in my stomache. I was in emotional and physical pain. I had not called him or seen him and when he called me, I would not answer. It would be excrutiating to hear his sweet voice again knowing that he didn't love me anymore. I was doing everything in my power to get over him.



About a week had passed and I felt a little better. I had a date with a guy that I had met at a club while out with my friends, his name was Alan. His family was from a foreign country so he had an exotic look to him. He seemed nice and fun to party with. I had no feelings for Alan and only spent time with him to try and mask my pain from James. Alan and I had met up with his friends and it was 2am they all wanted to call it a night and go home. I hadn't been able to sleep at night, all I could think about was James and the pain would double. So, I dreaded night time. I convinced Alan to hang out with me and we would drive around and get something to eat. So, we did, 3am came and I dropped him off at his house. All I could think about was James, and not to mention he called me that night about 5 times. He was in my mind all night.

As I drove home, James called me again. I found myself thinking that if I answer this call, it might change my life back to what it was before. Do I want to move forward with my life and put the phone down or answer it?

I answered it. He asked me to come over because he wanted to talk. I refused because I knew that I had no restraint when it came to him. I did not want to go over and make a fool out of myself. He repeatedly asked me to come over. We compromised and I told him that we could talk outside.



When I arrived, my heart was pounding. I did not know what to expect. For all I knew he did not love me anymore. As soon as I saw him, my heart melted. He asked me to come home, he told me how much he realized that I was the only person for him and he never wanted to be apart. As much as my mind said to not trust him, my heart wanted to fall right back into his hands. We talked until the sun came up. I found that with each word the guard that I had put up was slowly crumbling down. I decided to take him back.

Our fate was sealed. I was reluctant to feel at ease, but I couldn't help but feel safe in his arms.