Gavin

October 12th was the day. My feeling of conceiving was confirmed 2 months later. I went to the Dr. and took a pregnancy test. I knew that I was indeed pregnant, but when I was proved right my world was turned upside down. The first thought that hit my mind as soon as the Dr. said the inevitable, "The test was positive, you are going to have a baby." was my grandparents.

My Nana and Tata pretty much raised me. My mom was a young mother so she worked 3 jobs at one time.  My Nana is a gentle, loving and caring person. To give you an idea of who she is, her motto is, "You can do whatever you want nto do at my home, as long as you don't get hurt." My Tata is a big teddy bear on the inside, but comes across as a grumpy, tough guy. They spoiled me as a child and gave me everything and more that I needed and wanted from emotional support to financial support. My Nana would play school, barbies and cars with me everyday. We would read together outside on their bench swing under their big tree. I would listen to the wind whistle through the leaves, read my book and then fall asleep using my Nana's legs as a pillow. She would sing to me all the time. Her and my Tata dubbed my song, "Hermoso Carino". She sang that to me all the time. One of my fondest memories of her was when she would be in the kitchen cooking, the little under the cabinet radio would be blasting Mexican music and she would be singing her heart out. I used to think that she had the most beautiful voice. She still does. I remember the smell of coffee in the morning and the sound of the rustle of the newspaper that she was reading. Every Friday, they would pick me up from school and take me to the mall. We would go to an arcade, eat at a deli and shop or just people watch. My Tata didn't like the mall but he would go and sit outside of whatever store we went into and wait for us. He went to make us happy. For my first prom, James and I went together. My Nana fixed up her porch with lights, flowers and a whole romantic setup and made us a phenomenal dinner to eat before prom. While everyone went to Olive Garden, I had a beautiful home made dinner that my Nana had worked so hard on. It was so magical! I have so many fond memories of my Nana and Tata, I could go on and on.

I could only imagine the amount of disappointment that I had bestowed on my grandparents with being pregnant out of wedlock. So for 4 months I had hid my pregnancy from them. It was like I was living two lives. The first was with James and his family. We were excited and elated that we were having a baby. Obviously it would be a challenge but we were young, in love and the world was one big fairy tale. The other life I was living was with my family. I stayed away and wore loose fitting clothes. I told my mom, she was the first person I told after James, she was surprised and upset. But what could she do but support us. And she did. She stood by us and acted happy to be a grandma.

6 months prego with Gav

I remember the day that I told my Nana. My mom, nana and I were sitting on the bench swing in the front of her house and I said it,"I'm pregnant". She said that a baby was a blessing and not to be scared or worried that she won't love me anymore because she would never stop loving me. That went better than expected but the real task lay at hand...telling my Tata. I waited another week before I told him, well, I begged my Tia to tell him and she did, over the phone. Cowardly on my part, I know. But I just could not stand the look of disappointment on his face. I was told that he cried. Which killed me. But, he too said that a baby was a blessing and we moved on.

I could not tell you how light I felt after I told my grandparents. I felt like a 100 lb. weight was lifted off of my shoulders. Now, I could relax and enjoy my pregnancy.

I was spoiled by James and by everyone! I loved it. Whatever I wanted to eat, or do that's what we did or ate. James and I had our own apartment by now and it was the cutest little space. We bought new furniture and I loved playing the wife and home maker. At every doctor's appointment I had a million questions. Much to my surprise, everything I was feeling and every change to my body was "normal". The day came, when we were able to find out the sex of our unborn child. We both were hoping for a boy. As soon as the ultrasound tech showed us his little boy parts, we were ecstatic! Our prayers were answered. We were having a little boy! We were to name him James Gavin.

I received so much stuff for him at my baby shower. I was set for sure! Now all we had to do was wait for him. For our bundle of joy!
My water broke at 5am on July 8th, 2003. My due date was July 10th. But, I guess I was in denial that I was going into labor or something because I had no bags packed and was not prepared to have this baby! Haha! I was in labor for 22 hrs. I had gotten an epidural as soon as I could. There was no way that I would be focused on the pain and not the joy of bringing our son into this world. Everyone and their Nana came to the hospital. I swear I felt like an attraction, I was laying in bed with everyone staring at me. Every time I would move, make a noise or breath hard every one would freak out! I loved the attention though. I love when our family gathers and we have a good time.
The time came when I had to push. I was trying for about an hour, I was exhausted and even yelled at my mom and James to get out of my face with their bad breath. I was so irritated that they couldn't feel what I was feeling. The doctor clearly noticed my frustration and desperation so he suctioned Gavin out and then he was born! He weighed 8 lbs. 4 oz. and was 21 1/2 in. long. He was a big boy!
The experience of having a baby is truely a miracle. The rush of massive amounts of love came pouring out of every pore of my body when I laid eyes on him, James Gavin. He was my son, I was his mother. I am his mother. At that moment I knew that I would never leave him, never hurt him, always love him and always accept him. He is the most beautiful thing that I have ever seen. I would never love another or anything else more than him, not even close. I wanted to hold him in my arms forever and never let go. I wanted to stare at him. Examine every part of him. I wanted to remember that exact moment forever. And as I sit here and go back to the day he was born, I remember it. The way he smelt, the way he looked and even the way his soft, wrinkly skin felt.
I am certain that because Gavin was such a calm and content baby that is the main reason for me wanting to have more children. He was such a joy! He never cried, only for "chi chi". He was such a strong baby and acheived his baby milestones early or right on target.
He is for sure a daddy's boy. I remember when Gavin was about 3 months old, James came home from a week long hunting trip. James went right to Gavin who was laying on the bed, he started to talk to him and play with him and Gavin let out a loud belly laugh. We couldn't have been happier. Our eyes filled with tears and we couldn't help but laugh out loud as well. Gavin still looks up to his daddy and loves him immensely. They play baseball together and joke around a lot. It's awesome to see the different relationships that James has with each of the boys. I think the love between a father and son is something extraordinary. It is quite entertaining sitting back and watching them interact. They are just so wonderful.